Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.
Apr. 9th, 2016 12:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hollyslowlyhttps://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4dxez9/just_found_out_my_23f_cousin_31f_and_her_mother/
So this is my life right now. I'm Vicky. The OP is my lil sis. The number of people on this planet that I love is dwindling.
The part we left out of that post is that when "Lacy" asked me for money the first time a month ago, I gave it to her. $80, which is sadly still a lot of money for me. She said she owed someone money and she was scared. I really did spend my childhood idolizing that family; they were loud and boisterous and swore like crazy, and seemed quite exciting in comparison to my parents, who are quiet and hard working, like my sister and I are.
Anyway, Lacy asked me for money, I gave it to her, didn't expect to get it back. I operate under the "don't give money to family expecting to be paid back" theory, because that way the bar is set low. Harder to disappoint. The next week, I gave her a lead on a job that she applied for and got. She told me she needed money, didn't think $50 was enough. Here's the text she sent me. If you can parse that shit, you're doing better than I am.
I was already starting to feel. . . weird about the situation, like a tall and cranky ATM, but I gave her $20. In between these two asks for cash is when I learned from my mom that they were clearing out grandma's bank account. Mom also told us later that Lacy had gone to our grandmother, who has worsening dementia and who seriously CAN NOT give informed consent in these situations, waited til our dad left the room, and got grandma to write her a check for $50. She also hadn't started her job.
I could have gotten over the money I gave her, eventually, because I'm an adult in control of my faculties and I can make decisions for myself. But I can't forgive her for taking advantage of our frail, sweet, confused grandma.
The Reddit post got a lot of legal advice, some of which was redundant (my uncles and dad are working on getting power of attorney). What I need is a way to communicate with my aunt and cousin in a way that doesn't lead to murder. Advice?
So this is my life right now. I'm Vicky. The OP is my lil sis. The number of people on this planet that I love is dwindling.
The part we left out of that post is that when "Lacy" asked me for money the first time a month ago, I gave it to her. $80, which is sadly still a lot of money for me. She said she owed someone money and she was scared. I really did spend my childhood idolizing that family; they were loud and boisterous and swore like crazy, and seemed quite exciting in comparison to my parents, who are quiet and hard working, like my sister and I are.
Anyway, Lacy asked me for money, I gave it to her, didn't expect to get it back. I operate under the "don't give money to family expecting to be paid back" theory, because that way the bar is set low. Harder to disappoint. The next week, I gave her a lead on a job that she applied for and got. She told me she needed money, didn't think $50 was enough. Here's the text she sent me. If you can parse that shit, you're doing better than I am.
I was already starting to feel. . . weird about the situation, like a tall and cranky ATM, but I gave her $20. In between these two asks for cash is when I learned from my mom that they were clearing out grandma's bank account. Mom also told us later that Lacy had gone to our grandmother, who has worsening dementia and who seriously CAN NOT give informed consent in these situations, waited til our dad left the room, and got grandma to write her a check for $50. She also hadn't started her job.
I could have gotten over the money I gave her, eventually, because I'm an adult in control of my faculties and I can make decisions for myself. But I can't forgive her for taking advantage of our frail, sweet, confused grandma.
The Reddit post got a lot of legal advice, some of which was redundant (my uncles and dad are working on getting power of attorney). What I need is a way to communicate with my aunt and cousin in a way that doesn't lead to murder. Advice?
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no subject
Date: 2016-04-09 04:39 pm (UTC)Shit, honey, I'm so sorry. When I was in high school and my great grandmother was alive, we had a similar situation with my cousin Danielle, although she didn't so much ask Mammaw as she did blatantly steal from her. My aunt (not Danielle's mother) called the police, and Danielle spent enough time in jail to detox. It was helpful, but it didn't exactly engender a lot of fuzzy feelings.
My recommendation would be a united front. Do not approach them alone; I would get all the interested parties (sans your grandmother, who doesn't need to go through the stress and confusion) in a room together. You or your sister or your dad or your uncle need to lay out your case without getting emotional. Do this AFTER you go to the lawyer so you have a repercussion to back you up if they get hysterical. Just tell them, "We know what you're doing. The way you are treating the members of this family is unacceptable. You are treating us like marks, not family. This is not going to continue; we have retained legal advice, and will go to the authorities if necessary. We love you and want to have a relationship with you, but we are not going to allow you to treat us like this."
I am thinking good thoughts for you and your family. Good luck.
no subject
Date: 2016-04-11 11:20 am (UTC)This is good advice; I found out yesterday that my uncle has almost gotten the power of attorney thing sorted out.
Sigh.
no subject
Date: 2016-04-18 03:12 pm (UTC)The text sounds like Lacy is asking you not to tell anyone that she asked you for money because she can't ask her mom because her mom's embarrassed that she can't give Lacy money, which. Convoluted circles, there, and super manipulative (she's probably asked everyone she's asked for money not to tell anyone else, so she can keep asking everyone). I'm so sorry that some of your fam are being butts. :/
no subject
Date: 2016-04-26 07:51 pm (UTC)It was really devastating for me at first to realize, but now I feel quite cold about it, and her. And if her plan was to isolate me so she could get money from me, that has backfired on her spectacularly, because I have told my parents and (obviously) my sister. I'm just so disappointed in her.